he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
