I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize