I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
