I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
