My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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