party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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