Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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