We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
