last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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