She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
