WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
