I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
