im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
