We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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