My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Randomize
