Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize