A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
