Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
