so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
