ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
