i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
