4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
