i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
