I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
