you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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