I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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