remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
