Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
