im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
