Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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