She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
