I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
