do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
