it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
