I cannot find my penis.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
