just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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