I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
