woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize