I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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