I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
