i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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