its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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