I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think I am morally bankrupt
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
