dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
