Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
