Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
