Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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