Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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