i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
