Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
