from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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