Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize