May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
