the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
