What a fucking waste of an outfit
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
