"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
