i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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