What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
