it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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