Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
