Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
