I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
