Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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