Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
