Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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